Dealing with a Rejection or Disappointment

There is no better time to highlight the fact that life is in seasons. You being a standard boss chick or dude, doesn’t mean you won’t have low moments with experiences such as a rejection or disappointment.

Today, even as the world collectively goes through a hard time, I’d like you to remember all the times you survived through rejections, disappointments and setbacks; and believe that this too will go down in history as one of those things you survived through.

I am excited about today’s post not only because the writer is one of those real humans I am opportune to know, but also due to how the writer could highlight ways to deal with a rejection, which I noticed is relatable to our current collective disappointment of a 2020. 

I hope you enjoy reading and learning from this as much as I did- E.

In the space of one month, I received three rejections from Business School’s for my MBA application. I put a lot of work into preparing the applications; there were tears, all-nighters, loads of engagement but the results did not favor me. When I received the first rejection, I was sad but still hopeful because I had submitted other applications and was so certain that one would be successful. By the time the second and third rejection came in, reality hit me, and I experienced a variety of emotions. I cried, laughed (probably out of a manic state), prayed, listened to worship music, stared at the wall, went off social media, turned off my phone and cried more (more like wept); feelings of inadequacy crept into my mind and I questioned my ability and even asked myself if applying to Business School was a good idea.

Amid everything, I realized that despite the negative emotions I felt and breakdowns I experienced, I also had moments of clarity where I could reflect about my life, talk to God and got the assurance that I would be okay and everything would work out for my good. These moments helped me be stronger, and even though I do not know what lies ahead, I can face each day knowing there is still hope. How did I get here? I have experienced rejection in the past—professionally, personally (hmm, story for another day) and I was not always the person who knew how to deal with rejection hastily. Previously, I have used things like food (I am the worst emotional eater), alcohol, substances and sex as coping mechanisms for rejection; none of them ever gave me the relief that I was seeking, they were just ways to escape from dealing with my reality.
However, for dealing with this recent rejection, I used new methods which I’d like to share with you. I found them very effective and will use them again because rejection always occurs in life:

• Do not push your feelings or emotions away: In trying to ‘toughen’ up and appear strong, it is possible that you are suppressing your feelings, and this is not always the healthiest way to deal with rejection. Your feelings are valid, it is okay to feel upset, disappointed or even want to cry. Acknowledging your emotions puts you in a better position to deal with your feelings and not let them control you.
• Make use of your community: When dealing with rejection, it is very easy to want to isolate yourself or even feel you are all alone. I was the president of the ‘I do not open up to people and only like to deal with issues myself’ club, but choosing to stay alone did not make life any easier. I opened up to my group of girlfriends about not getting into Business School and they came through for me with prayers, words of encouragement and love. You need to communicate and share the burden with your support system. Community is important, do not neglect it. Community can be an online network of like minds, a group of friends, siblings, parents, a group at Church or a group from a common  social interest, etc.
• Talk to God: Having a relationship with God has made such a positive difference in my life. My relationship with God means that I have full access to approach Him and let Him know exactly how I am feeling and ask for help to understand, accept and trust Him through tough seasons. By talking to God and listening to Him (AKA prayer), I have learnt to accept the help of the Holy Spirit who really comforts me and reminds me of the Word and promises of God over my life.
• Practice positive affirmations: Speaking out loud has a way of helping, of building up your confidence. A simple search on google for positive affirmations or writing a list of characteristics you like about yourself is a good way to start; take 3—5 minutes out of each day and speak good into your life.
• Think through the process that led to the rejection and have a self-review: Remind yourself that you are a boss and also check if there is a lesson to learn or something that you could do better when another opportunity comes by.
• Find a healthy outlet to express your feelings: Instead of indulging in a good deal of food bingeing sessions or going out to grab one too many drinks; I practiced breathing exercises, listened to music and danced, slept (yes, sleep is vital in recharging your body through tough times), exercised and kept in touch with family and friends.

Finally, I’d like to encourage any of you who might be dealing with rejection, take your time to process your feelings and thoughts, but remember that situations do not define you. You deserve all the very best and you will get the very best. Keep your head up and keep showing up… the universe will eventually meet you halfway.